Just a Friend
by the Black Rose
Summary: AU. AxL. Athrun POV. Lacus caught my arm before I could escape. Warning sirens went off in my head. 'Athrun…' Her voice sounded quiet, musical. It reached inside my chest and squeezed the air from my lungs.
1. How I met her

**Title** Just a Friend (part 1 of 5?)  
**Author** the Black Rose  
**Pairing** Athrun x Lacus  
**Fandom** Gundam Seed  
**Theme** #17, kHz  
**Disclaimer** I do not own Gundam Seed. This fanfiction has no commercial value and I am not making any kind of profit or income off of this story, or the use of characters owned by Sunrise and Bandai.

This is AU (alternate universe). Athrun and Lacus exist in modern day and go to the same university. It's all first person POV - from Athrun's perspective. It just hit methe othernight, and I began writing. I have no idea if it's even remotely decent, since it's my first time writing AU for GSeed characters. But, hey, it's just for fun, right :D My thanks in advance to those who will read it. Much love, Rose

**

* * *

Just a Friend **

If you asked me to describe myself, I'd have a hard time answering. If you asked me to describe her…

I'm a mechanical engineering major a mere few weeks away from graduating. That's my scholastic profile. I have two parents, one dog, no siblings. The only sport I've ever been involved in is Taekwondo.

I guess I'm kind of quiet. I work hard at school, and at my job in the computer lab on campus. I've worked there practically since my first day at this university. That's how we met.

Well, that's how I met her...

If describing myself is difficult, describing her…is less so. Though, I've been accused of bordering on 'poetic' when I mention her. Which seems a little unlikely – that an engineer could spell poetic much less be accused of being it.

Actually, spelling is the one thing I paid attention to in English. I believe in spelling things correctly even if I don't care for much else in the English language – besides the words required for scientific studies.

Maybe if I had the power to write compositions that would come true, English might rise in value. The first thing I'd write would be a story about a popular girl who falls for a geek. I admit, it'd be a story about her…

Lacus Clyne.

Her freshman year, she had a basic lab during my shift in the computer center. The first time I saw her…

-

_A fresh-faced boy with chubby cheeks and freckles smiled up at her. I didn't know her name or anything about her. But she was the type you notice – let me rephrase, she was the type I noticed – when she walked into the classroom section of the lab and sat down._

_She wore her long, strawberry-blond hair up in a ponytail, and a knee-length skirt. Unusual for most girls these days – that sort of modesty – though maybe not for that time of year. October starts to get a little chilly._

_She sat in her seat with only her right side facing my direction. The boy approached her from her left._

_"Lacus, did you do the homework?"_

_I was waiting for her to snub him or walk away. There was no way a girl like her would—_

_"I tried, but I…I couldn't get passed the first part. And…I didn't know who to ask."_

_Oh, so that was her game. Flirt with the guy and get a free pass on homework. I tucked my arms behind my head and sighed in the direction of the ceiling._

_"I'll let you copy mine. If you want to."_

_Sucker._

_"That's very sweet of you. But, I don't deserve to pass if I can't do the lesson myself."_

_I choked on air and almost fell out of my chair._

_"I can teach you. You can copy right now, and—"_

_I wanted to shout at him to give it up. She has a boyfriend on the football team or who's a model or on the student council. That was the kind of girl she was. No average guy, and especially not one who was any good at physics was going to have her for a girlfriend._

_"I don't see the point in cheating. Though I thank you very much for trying to help me. I just…"_

_The way her soft pink lips moved – I found them far too interesting when she spoke._

_"I don't think I'm cut out for this class."_

_-_

When she turned back to where I could see her entire face, there was something in her eyes that made me believe she thought she wasn't cut out for college at all.

She spoke with the teacher afterwards. I don't think she was prepared for the reaction she got. He was a young guy (well, fairly young – he was a professor), single, and you may have guessed by now that she's a very pretty girl.

I think he thought no one was there (I told you, I'm quiet).

-

_"Well, now, I could probably do some personal tutoring. You could come by my apartment tomorrow ni—"  
_

When it looked like he was going to cross the line, I stood up, stomped over to his lab desk, grabbed her arm, and swore I'd tutor her.

She looked at me like I had just materialized in thin air, carrying a flag with an insignia that read: "I'm from the planet Mars."

-

_I held onto her arm, and tried to pull her close – like we knew each other. "I already promised I'd tutor you."_

_Her blue eyes widened to take up a full third of her face. "B-but I—"_

_"I know you think I…" Shit. Why would she think her 'boyfriend' wouldn't be able to tutor her?_

_"I know you think I…can't keep my mind off sex long enough to teach you anything seriously."_

_I congratulated myself on a good save._

_"But…" I tried not to grimace. "Baby… I promise I'll help."_

_-_

I think her mouth dropped open. I yanked her out of her seat and half-led, half-dragged her from the room. Where I explained to her why I said what I did.

-

_"Will you really tutor me?" She asked with a weird sort of smile. One that I thought meant she was really laughing at me on the inside._

_"I, uh…I can't—"_

_She looked down, and I saw lines appear in her forehead. I was afraid that if she glanced back up, I'd cave. _

_She didn't look up. _

_I think that was worse._

_"I mean. Yeah, sure."_

_-_

I had no time, and no idea if I could really keep my mind off sex long enough to teach her about kilohertz, radio frequencies, and physics (I am male, and scientific studies have proven we think about it once every eight seconds – and I believe it's actually worse in the presence of a woman we're attracted to).

But…I was willing to try.

* * *

...to be continued... 


	2. I hate the words 'I love you'

**Title:** Just a Friend (part 2 of 5)  
**Author:** the Black Rose  
**Pairing:** Athrun x Lacus  
**Fandom:** Gundam Seed  
**Theme:** #17, kHz  
**Disclaimer:** I do not own Gundam Seed. This fanfiction has no commercial value and I am not making any kind of profit or income off of this story, or the use of characters owned by Sunrise and Bandai.

**AN: **This story is in an "alternate universe", aka, it does not take place in the regular, Seed timeline. Rather, it takes place in our own, regular world, and explores the possibility of Athrun and Lacus as two people in today's day and age going to the same college, meeting, and becoming friends (Athrun is a year ahead of Lacus in terms of grade level - he was a sophomore when she was a freshman).

Thank you so much to those that will read it. Much love, Rose

**

* * *

**

**Just a Friend - Part 2**

_"Will you really tutor me?" She asked with a weird sort of smile. One that I thought meant she was really laughing at me on the inside._

_"I, uh…I can't—"_

_She looked down, and I saw lines appear in her forehead. I was afraid that if she glanced back up, I'd cave. _

_She didn't look up. _

_I think that was worse. _

_"I mean. Yeah, sure."_

_-_

That's how we met. And that's how a quiet engineering major who'd never had a girlfriend made best friends with one of the most beautiful girls in school.

I taught her math, physics, astronomy…you name it. Well, except for English. She was a psychology major, on track to go to medical school. Lacus really was intelligent, she just lacked focus when it came to studying.

In return, she taught me how to match my shirt with my socks, how to buy stain-resistant slacks that looked pressed right out of the dryer, and she taught me that short jackets, not lab coats, worked better with jeans. By my junior year, I had a fairly large circle of friends – mostly thanks to Lacus's efforts. I had several girl…friends. As in, I was always "Just a friend".

But. I wanted something more with Lacus. I wanted her to wake up one day and realize that she loved me – as something more than a friend.

She'd told me she loved me on many occasions. I remember the first time…

-

_We sat on the floor of my off-campus apartment (one of the perks of having a decent-paying fulltime job and being an only child of fairly wealthy parents), our books spread all over the cheap veneer coffee table; mugs of instant hot chocolate sat in the center of the mess, piping steam into the room. Lacus sat close to me, peering over my shoulder as I worked out one of the equations. Her breath on my neck brought non-mathematical images to my mind._

_Did I mention we were alone in my apartment? _

_When I finished showing her…ahem…how to work out the problem, she grinned up at me and leaned her cheek on my arm. Her smiles were infectious, and I probably grinned back as I reached for my hot chocolate._

_"I love you."_

_I almost dropped the mug of cocoa on my lap. "Lacus?"_

_"You really are the best friend I've ever had, Athrun. I'm so glad we met."_

_Friend…_

_"You're…so patient with me. And kind. The first time…Well, you were so strange that first time you spoke to me." She giggled, and brought one hand up to her mouth like she was trying to hold in her laughter._

_"And that professor. Oh my, Athrun, that was funny."_

_-_

To think of that incident now made me cringe something awful, but I laughed with her anyway. She told me she loved me. And I knew she meant it. But, I was Athrun, that quiet guy that was 'sweet' but 'just a friend'.

The first time she said it, I was elated. Then, it made me happy to hear her tell me she loved me, but it also made me ache for a time when she would say it and mean it as more than 'just a friend'. But, after another year went by…

I began to hate those words.

The way I hated every time she introduced me to another girl.

The way I hated every boyfriend she'd ever had.

I hated being trapped. Trapped by my own feelings. Trapped because I couldn't find a way to express them to her.

I wanted to be her friend, if that was all I was allowed to be.

But, I couldn't help it.

I always wanted something more.

* * *

Lacus has this 'way' about her. I think the only person in the world that has it is her. And there's just no way to describe it unless you've met her. It's who she is…

It's the way she enters the room. Light clings to her, swept in, maybe, with a sweep of her long, pinkish hair.

She has a way of moving… That, I admit, it makes me think of sex (ok, I'd probably be thinking of sex anyway). It's not like she wears provocative clothing – nothing too tight or too low cut.

And yet…

She's sexy (there, I said it).

It's the natural flow of her body, her eyes when she looks at you…er me.

Her vulnerability…makes me want to hold her, naked, in my arms.

Her anger makes me want to try kissing her senseless and then taking her to my bed.

Her tears… Ok, this is that poetic thing, isn't it? Fuck. Dearka was right (I hate it when he's right). The only look she has that doesn't make me think of sex is the one she gave me today.

The same one she's been giving me for the last month: that look like she was hurt or wounded. It makes me want to take the bastard outside and rip him limb from limb. There's only one problem.

The bastard is me.


	3. Meet Athrun Zala, the creep

**Title:** Just a Friend (part 3 of 6?)  
**Author:** the Black Rose  
**Pairing:** Athrun x Lacus  
**Fandom:** Gundam Seed  
**Theme:** #17, kHz  
**Disclaimer:** I do not own Gundam Seed. This fanfiction has no commercial value and I am not making any kind of profit or income off of this story, or the use of characters owned by Sunrise and Bandai.

AN: Italics are flashbacks. Thanks so much for reading! Love, Rose

**

* * *

Part 3**

_The first time she said it, I was elated. Then, it made me happy to hear her tell me she loved me, but it also made me ache for a time when she would say it and mean it as more than 'as a friend'. But, after another year went by…_

_I began to hate those words. _

_The way I hated every time she introduced me to another girl._

_The way I hated every boyfriend she'd ever had._

_I hated being trapped. Trapped by my own feelings. Trapped because I couldn't find a way to express them to her._

_-_

Years later… Years after we first met, after I first realized…how I felt about her. I'm still trapped. Only, now it's a trap of another kind.

"Good morning," Lacus said in a quiet voice.

And so our routine begins again. But, today will be the last time either of us has to repeat it. I hate it, and yet it's safe. It means she's still speaking to me, even if it'll never be the same…

I closed my eyes. I didn't have to glance that way to see her.

She would be wearing jeans. With her hair down to her waist. Light makeup over her natural beauty, and in the sunlight streaming in the classroom windows, I'd just be able to make out the tiny freckles on her nose and under her eyes (the ones she always tried to hide). Her smile was perfect with teeth that weren't exactly perfectly aligned in the center. I was probably the only one to notice…

She would speak to me with her gaze lowered, like she couldn't stand to look me in the eye.

I guess I can't really blame her. I'm mad at me, too.

"Good morning," I said.

Maybe I could tell her that, and sympathize with her about how that Athrun Zala, is such the creep. And maybe she could forgive the part of me that still had sense.

It just wasn't the part of me that had any courage.

"How…" Her voice sounded hesitant and flat. I wondered why she bothered to sit next to me at all. We didn't have assigned seats…

"How was your weekend?"

"Fine." That was a lie. It was miserable, cold, boring. Dearka swung by, but I didn't feel like talking.

"Did you…spend time with friends?"

I opened my eyes and stared at my hands. I risked a glance at where she held hers clasped together on top of the long table that served as our desks. "Not really." Her fingers were thin, small, and completely bare of any jewelry.

My heart skipped a half-dozen beats and I thought it might have actually stopped altogether.

"Do any studying?" Her fingers wrung themselves together into a pattern that looked awkward for her wrists. Sunlight streamed in small slivers through the blinds on the window to her far right and cast a broken shadow on the tabletop. She still wouldn't look at me.

"Yeah." I still didn't look at her.

Thud. Thumpity thud. Great. I was going to have a heart attack before our exam. I held my breath

She bowed her head – I could see the shadow change shape on the table. "You've been quiet…" Her hands tightened their grip on one another. Her knuckles turned white.

I think her fingers had a grasp on my heart. "So have you."

-

_Cold air blasted against my skin, and then froze beneath the overhang on the covered patio. Something trickled down the fingers of my right hand. Heat thawed my left cheek and it pulsed in a painful rhythm. _

_"Athrun!" Dearka threw open the door and ran outside - towards where I was standing – or maybe he was running towards Lacus, or the idiot lying face down on the ground behind me. _

_"Dude, you're bleeding. What the hell happened?"_

_"Athrun…" Her quiet voice reached my ears._

_The world had long since spiraled out of control. The ground moved higher. I realized I was kneeling. I tried to catch my breath, but the cool air stung all the way through my system. It chilled the alcohol in my veins._

_"I hate him."_

_-_

"I…I went by your apartment last week." She had already broken our routine. Was it just for old times' sake? Or maybe…

"It didn't look like anyone still lived there. Are…are you already packed?"

"Yeah." I wanted to look at her. I wanted to face her. I wanted… "I didn't see you."

"I guess you weren't home?"

Damn, I was a coward. I hung my head and settled for answering her questions. "I've had a few interviews. It's kept me busy. I haven't been home a lot."

"Were…" Her fingers untangled themselves and she placed her hands flat – one over the other. "Were you going to leave without saying goodbye?"

-

_Dearka chuckled. He pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket and pressed it to the wound on my cheek. "Well, I didn't figure you liked him since you knocked him out cold. I saw him charge out here—"_

_I grabbed the handkerchief from his grasp and turned away. "He started it."_

_"And I guess you finished it for him." My friend's usually easy-going voice formed an icy edge. _

_I snarled and swung around. I sent him a look I hoped was scathing. "Yeah. I did. Do you have a problem with it?"_

_"Dude. You're drunk." Dearka shook his blond head._

_"Damn right." I decided that standing seemed like a lot of effort. And anger was no longer thrumming through my veins. I plopped down on the ground. "I am."_

_"You don't drink."_

_I scowled at the pavement. "I do, now."_

_"Lacus, what the hell's going on?" Dearka's voice rose. He sounded angry – similar to the anger I had felt a few moments ago. I let my head loll back so I could look up at where she towered over me._

_I rose to my knees and then back to my feet. The night air was still too cold, and I wanted to go inside. "Lacus?"_

_She looked at me. Then over at HIM. Her tiny hands curled into small fists – the kind that couldn't hurt anyone – unless she hit the person a hundred times._

_When she met my gaze again…_

_I wished she would have hit me a thousand times, instead._


	4. Or Athrun Zala, the total idiot

**Title: **Just a Friend (part 4 of 6)  
**Author: **the Black Rose  
**Pairing: **Athrun x Lacus  
**Fandom: **Gundam Seed  
**Theme: **#17, kHz

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Gundam Seed. This fanfiction has no commercial value and I am not making any kind of profit or income off of this story, or the use of characters owned by Sunrise and Bandai.

AN: Sorry, I think this addition seems a little short even though the word count is the same as the last few parts. And yes, this story does keep getting longer... It will be a total of 6 parts + epilogue. I'm still trying to decide if I'm going to write a "side story" (aka "lemon").

Thanks so much for reading! Love, Rose

* * *

**Just a Friend**

Part 4

_I closed my eyes. I didn't have to glance that way to see her._

_She would be wearing jeans. With her hair down to her waist. Light makeup over her natural beauty, and in the sunlight streaming in the classroom windows, I'd just be able to make out the tiny freckles on her nose and under her eyes (the ones she always tried to hide). Her smile was perfect with teeth that weren't exactly perfectly aligned in the center. I was probably the only one to notice…_

_-_

"Were…" Lacus's fingers untangled themselves and she placed her hands flat – one over the other. "Were you going to leave without saying goodbye?"

She asked the question simply, as if she was interested in what I had for breakfast this morning (cocoa puffs. I know, it's junk food, but my mom wouldn't let me have them when I was a kid. She doesn't have to know…).

She asked it simply, but it wasn't a simple question.

And it wasn't a simple answer. What could I say? The truth? The truth would have been 'yes'. And yet…It's not like I wanted it to be this way.

"Athrun, I—" She began, but was cut off by our Humanities professor and his loud, sarcastic voice bellowing throughout the classroom.

"All right. I know you're all excited to be here, taking the last test of the semester. Try to hold yourselves back as I pass out the exams." The man had a biting wit and a really bad comb-over. Smart, but so incredibly boring.

I guess it could have been the subject matter.

A collective groan rose from my classmates, but it didn't have the heart it usually did.

I glanced up when I heard the test paper slide onto the table.

"Mr. Zala." Professor Azrael sounded like he was sneering. "I think you should be awake for the test."

I nodded. "Yes, sir."

I looked at her out of the corner of my eye. Lacus sat straight in her chair (but only to her neck) with her hands clasped in her lap. Her head was bowed, and her knuckles looked a sickly yellow-white.

I frowned. "Lacus?"

"All right." The professor's voice really could grate on my last nerve.

"Usual rules. No talking. No chewing. If you need a new writing instrument, raise your hand and one will be brought to you. If you leave your chair for any reason, you forfeit any remaining time you have together with your test paper. And it will be sad."

I couldn't hold it in any longer. I muttered under my breath where only she could hear me: "Smart ass."

Professor Azreal said the magic word to start the test: "Begin."

She didn't move.

Her hair had fallen down on her left side – preventing me from seeing her face. "Lacus?" I gently pushed the curtain of hair back over her shoulder.

She looked pale. And she wasn't wearing hermakeup. Dark circles marred the skin under her eyes. "I…I couldn't study."

I had to stop myself from groaning aloud. No talking during tests. Talking equaled cheating as far as professors were concerned. Instead, I breathed. And then the only words that came to mind were: Oh. Shit.

"Is your gra—"

She turned her head just enough to where I couldn't see her face. "I haven't been studying for any of my classes."

I glanced around the room. Professor Smartass was engrossed in something on his desk.

I whispered back and grabbed her left shoulder – to try to turn her back towards me. "You could have called. I—"

"I haven't seen him since that night."

The air in the room froze. I think I stopped breathing. And just somehow didn't die...

-

_Only she could twirl around in the moonlight and it seem perfectly natural. Her head tilted up towards the stars and she plopped down on the wooden swing beside me. I finished off the beer in my hand, picked up the next one from the ground, and mentally cursed my damn luck. 'BASTARD.'_

_"I'm not in love with him." Her voice seemed to float into my ear – and gave me that irrational feeling of hope. Or maybe it was the alcohol… _

_"It's just…not that kind of passion I imagined when it was love." She sounded wistful. Maybe because I wanted her to sound that way. _

_"Do you know?"_

_I shook my head. The buzzing sound outside fluctuated with the movement. I opened my mouth to reply and became a total fucking idiot. "I don't know if anyone feels that kind of passion. My parents have been married for years, but it's not like the way it is in movies."_

_The wind howled underneath the overhang of the back porch on Dearka's duplex. She moved closer. "Have you ever been in love with someone, Athrun?"_

_"I…I think so. Yeah. I have."_

_"Really?"_

_I glanced down at the beer in my hand. _

_"What was it like?"_

_It was like waking up to hell on Earth, every day._

_"Come on." She grabbed my arm and scooted closer – probably to keep warm. It was damn cold outside. _

_"Tell me… What was it like, and when…when did you know?"_

_"Know what?"_

_"That you were in love."_

_I scowled and wondered if I could just drown myself in the beer keg inside. Not drink it, just put my head in the liquid until I could no longer breathe... To end it all right then. "I don't know why it's such a big deal."_

_"Love is a big deal." Her voice rose and her grip on my arm tightened. When I looked at her, she was glowing in the moonlight – I swear, she was. Silver touched her eyelashes, her cheeks, and if it could have, it would have kissed her lips…The way they shone…. _

_"It's really special." The wind blew her hair up, around her face. I raised a hand to hold it in place. _

_"I don't think people fall in love that many times in their life."_

_She glanced up at me, and I realized, then, that my left hand had tucked several pieces of hair behind her ear – and my fingers had continued to trace along the curve of her ear. I thought she might ask me to stop… _

_"My father only loved my mother." One of us moved towards the other. _

_"And she's been gone since I was fourteen." Her voice wavered whenever she spoke of her mother. I moved my hand to cup her cheek and wondered what sort of new torture this was to watch her lean in to my touch…_

_I said the only thing that came to mind: "I'm sorry."_


	5. Love? It wasn't anything special

**Title: **Just a Friend (part 5 of 6)  
**Author:** the Black Rose  
**Pairing:** Athrun x Lacus  
**Fandom:** Gundam Seed  
**Theme:** #17, kHz  
**Disclaimer:** I do not own Gundam Seed. This fanfiction has no commercial value and I am not making any kind of profit or income off of this story, or the use of characters owned by Sunrise and Bandai.

AN: I have completed this story. There's one more part and the only thing holding that up is spending the time copying and pasting out of a live journal entry and doing all the formatting, etc. etc. I'll do my best to get the last piece up in the next few days. Thanks and Merry Christmas to those that celebrate it. Love, Rose

**

* * *

Just a Friend **

Part 5

_"I haven't seen him since that night."_

_The air in the room froze. I think I stopped breathing. And just somehow didn't die._

_-_

I glanced towards the front of the classroom. Professor Azrael stood from his seat and I ducked my head. Getting caught 'cheating' on a test when I was a week away from graduation didn't sound like something I wanted to try. Fate, for once, was on my side as our esteemed professor pushed open the door to the hall and disappeared.

Just for looks, I grabbed the test paper and moved it where I might actually be able to read and answer it. "What do you mean, you haven't seen him?" I kept my voice low despite the fact my heart was pounding like a jackhammer.

"I…I mean…"

I could barely hear her.

"I'm not seeing him anymore."

I glanced at her out of the corner of my eye. She was smiling. How could she be smiling?

"You mean…you broke up?"

-

_My fingers trembled where they touched her cheek, and I wasn't sure all of it could be blamed on the cold. She had closed her eyes when I first dared to brush my hand against the side of her face. But, when she opened them again, she didn't look at me. I took the hint and retracted my hand. _

_She stared in the direction of the ground._

_"So?"_

_I drained the rest of my beer from the bottle. "So, what?"_

_"Tell me about her." That's when she looked up at me. And she was smiling… Smiling about the fact that I was in love with someone that wasn't her._

_Whatever hope I still stupidly held onto, broke up with me, threw something, and eloped with the Easter Bunny. I think I sighed. I sat forward and leaned my elbows on my knees. "What do you want to know?"_

_"Was she pretty?"_

_I nodded. "Very."_

_"I imagine she was nice and probably very intelligent." Her voice was sweet, but I could hear it tremble. We should probably both go inside…_

_"Yeah. She is."_

_"How…how did you know… That you were in love with her?"_

_"How'd I know?" I rolled the bottle back and forth between the palms of my hands. "It wasn't like anything in particular. It was just..."_

_You smiled at me. And you looked…so beautiful._

_"One day, I looked at her. And she smiled at me a certain way. I just… It was like this picture in my mind."_

_Of feeling like there was someone who cared… _

_"I could imagine her, thirty years from now, with that exact same smile."_

_One that said I could be forgiven…accepted. By someone like you._

_"It wasn't a bolt of lightning, it wasn't something sexual." I placed the bottle on the ground to my right, stood up, and shoved both hands in my pockets. "It just occurred to me that I'd like to spend forever with her. And that's probably when I figured it out."_

_"Probably?" Her voice sounded light, like she was teasing me. _

_I shrugged. "I'll spare you the process of logical deduction." I turned to glance at her over my shoulder._

_She giggled. _

_"But." I accidentally met her gaze. She stared at me._

_I looked away. "It just couldn't be anything else, I guess…"_

_"I see."_

_I heard the cables holding up the swing creak against the wood. Lacus was either shifting in the seat or swinging._

_"Nothing special." I said to the stars._

_"Athrun." The cables squeaked and clattered against something metal. She stood and moved closer. _

_"You're just not romantic." Her hand grasped my left arm just above my elbow. The wind chose that moment to pick up – in strength and volume._

_"I know." I leaned sideways to speak near her ear. "You tell me all the time."_

_She tilted her head up to face me. Her lips were..._

_"Are you still friends with her?" Lacus's mouth, when she spoke... I caught myself wondering if her lips were as soft as they looked (mine were chapped something awful)._

_"Athrun?"_

_I blinked. "Huh? Friends. With who?"_

_"The girl you were in love with." Her hand left my forearm._

_"I'm…" The icy wind blew through my coat and skin to chill everything inside my body. I felt like I was turning to ice from the inside out - and it hurt._

_"I-I'm still…I guess I'm still…kinda hung up on her." I tried to chuckle. I don't think it sounded cheerful at all. _

_"Oh… I see." I think she was speaking to my toes._

_Silence blasted in with the cold. _

_

* * *

I realized, that night, I had two internal voices. Not at all like those little angels and devils that hang out on people's shoulders in the movies. Just, disembodied voices that argued constantly in my head. I think they've always been there, I just didn't notice them until the voices decided to have a screaming match in my brain. _

_And after Lacus and I had our 'talk' (about her that was somehow not about her), I was trying desperately to ignore them both…._

_One voice seemed prone to poetic turns of phrase (see, it's not me, it's my internal voice) and leant me to believe it should be whispering softly, sweetly in my ear._

_Instead, it bellowed at me to tell her…what I had never been able to say. _

_-_

"You broke up?" I glanced back down at the exam paper.

The tips of her fingers found my arm. "I…I didn't tell you because I didn't know how to say it. But I had broken up with him as soon as…" Her touch slid away. "Well, before the party."

The exam swam in front of my eyes. I really needed to take it, to at least attempt it. I didn't have to do well to pass. I just basically had to turn in the page with my name on it.

Of course, I still had my GPA to think about.

Yeah, right.

-

_The second voice, I knew – it's the one I generally referred to as "the voice of reason". That one, apparently had a different motive altogether than the other. And it was equally as adamant that it was 'right'._

_My 'voice of reason' shouted, in another part of my brain, for me to leave the party, Dearka's house, the planet (possibly even the universe) - and Lacus - to go somewhere 'safe'. _

_And definitely not admit to anything. I listened to them argue for a while – until I began wondering what she was thinking…_

_"Do…" Lacus finally pushed the thin curtain of silence aside. "Do I know her?"_

_"Yeah." I dug my hands deeper into my pockets. _

_'TELL HER!' Voice one shouted._

_She leaned closer. "Would you tell me?"_

_'NO! LEAVE! GO NOW!' Reason yelled back. _

_"Dunno." I stared up at the night sky. Translucent clouds whisked by the almost full moon. "If you get me drunk enough, I'd probably tell you anything." I turned to smile at her._

_Lacus wrinkled her nose. I couldn't stand being that close…_

_And still being such a coward._

_I finally gave in to the voice of reason. I turned back towards the house under the guise of finding myself another drink. _

_She caught my arm before I could escape. "Athrun…"_

_-_

"I told him there was someone else." Lacus continued to speak in a low tone. She really wasn't quiet…. Lacus couldn't whisper – her voice was too high pitched, so every word would sound like she was hissing. Instead, she tried to speak in a lower octave, but her voice kept fluctuating.

I caught a couple of fellow classmates sending us curious glances. I hoped our professor stayed gone for a while.

"Johnny…He was so serious. I didn't…I didn't want to hurt him. I ended up hurting you, instead."

I stared at the test paper and tried not to think about the clock. _'40 minutes left…' _I winced at the thought.

So, she told the boyfriend she wanted to break up because there was someone else. That explained it, at least – why the guy was so pissed.

I sighed. "I understand. Hey. At least I can take care of myself, right?"

I picked up my pen, and opened the cover of the exam. We'd made up. Things could go back to the way they were. We could be friends. Maybe I—

Her hand grabbed mine. The pen clattered to the desk. "That's…that's all you have to say?"

My heart lurched, and my knee-jerk reaction was to look at her. She stared back; something in her eyes wavered in the light. "Lacus?"

"Even though…" She looked down. She still held my hand…

"Even after…"

Oh shit. The room turned cold and the classroom did its impression of the trash compactor section of the Death Star.

"Athrun. Tell me the truth."

I tried to pull my hand away; my palms were sweating. _'No. I can't.'_

"Why…" Her voice managed to sound steady even though the building was spinning…

"Why did you kiss me?"


	6. You're going to lose her, Athrun

**Title:** Just a Friend (part 6 of 6)  
**Author:** the Black Rose  
**Pairing:** Athrun x Lacus  
**Fandom:** Gundam Seed  
**Theme:** #17, kHz  
**Disclaimer:** I do not own Gundam Seed. This fanfiction has no commercial value and I am not making any kind of profit or income off of this story, or the use of characters owned by Sunrise and Bandai.

AN: As always, flashbacks are in italics. Thank you so so much to those that will read it. Much love, Rose  
PS - Warning: fluffy bunnies ahead.

**

* * *

Just a Friend **

_Lacus caught my arm before I could escape. Warning sirens went off in my head. The world shifted to a strange angle beneath my feet._

_"Athrun…" Her voice sounded quiet, musical. It reached inside my chest and squeezed the air from my lungs. She tugged on my arm, but I didn't want to turn around._

_And then, she was in front of me. Everyone else was gone… She stared up at me with those eyes. The ones I knew. The ones I couldn't get out of my head for a single moment over the last three years._

_My hand moved to touch her cheek; she smiled. Before a single rational thought could surface in my brain, I was leaning forward in what felt like slow motion… My heart hammered in my ears. A gust of wind picked up and swept frozen air into the space between us._

_And then it was gone. She was in my arms, my mouth pressed against hers – reckless, crushing… Like I had been given only a short window of opportunity, and I – for once in my life – seized it with both hands. We broke for air and then I kissed her again. Her arms wrapped around my neck and my lips left her mouth to sample other places. _

_She trembled in my embrace. I tried to pull her closer…_

_-_

"Athrun? Are…are you going to answer me?" She plucked a crumpled piece of paper from my hand. I blinked and wondered where it had come from.

-

_Dearka's eyebrows formed questions marks over his eyes. "Tell her it was the alcohol."_

_I shook my head. "I can't do that."_

_"Seriously, Athrun. You'd had way more than I'd ever see you drink before. Even if you don't think—"_

_I wanted to choke him. "You don't understand, Dearka."_

_"What don't I understand?" He stood up from the bar stool and paced back and forth. I continued nursing my cup of coffee._

_"I know you've had a 'thing' for her for quite a while. But, she's never known. And you know how girls get when they're around a guy who—"_

_I took a sip of my coffee. It had already turned cold. "It doesn't matter."_

_"It does matter." He clapped a hand on my shoulder, and jerked me out of my seat. _

_"I'm tellin' ya. You're going to lose her."_

_-_

"Lacus. I never wanted to be your friend."

He heard her gasp and her hand tried to withdraw from my wrist. I grabbed her arm before she could get away.

"I-I wanted…" I turned to face her. Her eyes were wide and filled with hurt. And tears. Her arm twisted in my grasp, but I held on.

"I wanted… "

She stopped struggling. But she still looked at me like she did that night…

-

_"Athrun." Her voice sounded stern in a way it had never been before. _

_I opened my mouth to…say anything that would diffuse her anger, but I… "Lacus, I didn't mean—"_

_"I think you should leave," she said and turned away._

_Turned towards 'him'._

_-_

I had to labor to breathe. "Ever since we met. I—"

She gently removed her arm from my grasp but moved closer. She reached one hand up and moved pieces of my hair to one side. Did she finally understand what I was trying to say?

"Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhht." Someone hissed. I heard something clatter in the distance. I blocked it all out and tried again to tell her….

"I wanted to be more—"

"Mr. Zala. Miss Clyne." The professor's voice brought me hurtling back to a reality I really really didn't want to be living in right then.

"Talking is the same as cheating."

I think Lacus actually groaned. Or maybe it was me.

"So, the good news is, you've both failed."

I couldn't tell if it was Professor Azreal's sarcasm or the actual words that was causing my stomach to turn. He continued up the aisle towards our row; every student in the class had temporarily abandoned focus on their tests.

I think I broke out into a sweat.

"Would you like to hear the bad news?"

* * *

Lacus stared at me and I was reminded of a little girl looking at her father, waiting to be punished. I have an odd sense of déjà vu, and I briefly flashed on a much much smaller girl with her mother's hair and eyes calling me 'daddy'. 

I could only wish…

I sighed and plunked down on the steps to the fine arts building.

"Athrun?"

_'All these years...' _I lay back on the top of the steps and stared up at the sky. All the studying to make top grades in all my classes, and somehow, I missed basic "Humanities" and had to squeeze it in to graduate. And that one class managed to be my downfall. I grumbled as I envisioned the misery of summer school.

"Are you mad at me?"

I sat up and looked at where she stood - a few steps further down. "Define mad."

Her face crumpled before she glanced away. "That feeling you get that as it festers…grows to become hate."

All the energy in my body fled. I lay back again – or I think 'flopped to the ground' would have been more appropriate. "I couldn't hate you, Lacus."

"But…you're angry." Her voice moved closer.

"I'm not happy." I managed to sit up, again. She had climbed back up the stairs and stood just a step or two away.

"Couldn't we have talked after the exam?"

She moved up the remaining stairs and sat down next to me. "You would have finished before me and left."

Dammit. I had to admit. She was probably right. I buried my face in my hands.

She touched my shoulder. "Athrun."

"Yeah?"

"What were you trying to say? Earlier…"

Oh. Hell. That. I think I lost the energy to feel nervous. "I… Uh, that is… Lacus, I just— I just meant that… I always wanted to be…more than a 'just a friend'. To you."

Her features relaxed and her head tilted down – like she was staring at the bottom of the steps. I think my heart was somewhere down there….

"I see."

"You…see?" I stared at her. My hands were trembling and my insides were a churning mass of nerves. "That's all you have to say?"

"No. I…" She stood up and turned away. Giving me a good look at how tight her pants were… I swallowed – it probably wasn't the best time to be ogling.

"But, Athrun, why?" She spun back around. I had to stand up as well, I couldn't argue with her kneecaps.

"Why?"

She came closer. Her hands came up to clutch the front of my shirt. "Why didn't you say anything? Why didn't you tell me?" Her blue eyes looked glassy – like she might…cry.

"Because." I pulled her hands from my shirt and held them. "Because the first time you ever told me you loved me. You said it was just 'as a friend'. I felt like—"

"That was a long time ago." Her lips trembled a bit before they managed to smile. "Athrun…"

"I'm just a regular guy." I forced a laugh. "One who couldn't even match my socks."

Lacus giggled. It sounded like the tinkling of a bell.

"I felt lucky…" Her eyes met mine. "…enough the way things were." She was closer, but I couldn't, for the life of me figure out which one of us had moved. I bent my head forward and rested my forehead on her hair. My eyes slid shut. "I've been afraid for a long time of what my life would be like without you."

"It was…me? The one…that night?"

"Yeah." I opened my eyes again and lifted my head.

Lacus pulled her hands from my grasp and leaned into my chest. I didn't move. I don't think I even breathed.

"I'm…I'm glad. I really wanted it to be me."

I know I told my arms to move – to hug her, but— "Past tense?"

"No."

My arms finally moved around her shoulders. "Even though I cold-cocked your boyfriend?"

She lifted her head up to look me in the eye. "That…" She frowned. "…was a bit excessive."

I cringed. "Can I blame the alcohol for that but not the kiss?"

"I don't think so. But, you could say you're sorry. And I can forgive you."

I nodded. "I'm sorry."

"I forgive you," Lacus said and smiled.

I sighed again and released her. She shot me a grin and started down the steps.

"Wait." I called after her. "Aren't you supposed to be sorry for making me fail the class?"

She giggled, but stopped three steps down. "I'm sorry. Can you forgive me?"

"Nevermind." I sighed and started after her. "I'm…I'm just glad we're talking. And that you're not going to marry that creep just because he asked you." We hit stair four together, then I stepped and she wasn't with me.

"Athrun?"

I stopped. "Yeah?"

"When…" Her fingers fit and twisted together where she held them in front of her waist. "…when did you know?"

"Know what?"

She smiled and it reminded me of something I could break. "How…you felt about me?"

"I think it was the point where you were enrolled in a Physics course." I stuffed my hands in my pockets and took another step.

"Oh?" She caught up with me.

I glanced at her from the corner of my eye. "I think you were the prettiest girl I'd ever seen enrolled in that class."

"I had to take science, and that was the only class I could get into with my schedule." She tilted her head up as she walked beside me. "You'd think with a last name like Clyne, I wouldn't be too far down the list to register, but apparently not."

I chuckled as we reached the bottom of the stairs. "Try having a last name of Zala."

Lacus looped her arm around mine. I looked her way and that little smile that I could never figure out if it was meant to seem innocent or downright devious (and sexy) appeared on her lips.

"That might be nice…."

**

* * *

Epilogue…Written months later**

I managed to graduate. I explained things to the professor, but he didn't exactly let me off easy. Apparently, the man has no life and loves student gossip (part of why he became a teacher, I guess). So, I basically had to tell him the whole story. Of how I had almost lost her to the boyfriend who wanted her to marry him. Of how she'd turned him down, but didn't really know why. Of how the recent ex had gotten angry when he saw me kissing Lacus a mere couple of hours after she told him she was in love with someone else.

Of the fight we had.

And the way she sounded when she told me to get out of her life…

My GPA, though, took a hit. D's apparently do that…

Once that ordeal was over, I was faced with a problem of a different kind. I couldn't find anything in my field too close to the college, so I stayed and worked for the university another year – so Lacus could finish up her education. It wasn't long after our infamous but very temporary 'suspension' for academic misconduct that she moved in with me – into a new apartment, since I'd already packed and turned in my notice at the old one. This one, we picked out together. And it has little 'touches' that are Lacus in almost every room.

Like the way my socks are folded in my drawer – in pairs, and with little separators between the white ones, which are apparently only to be worn with jeans and tennis shoes, and the non-white ones that are supposed to go with my slacks. It's in the way my shirts are separated by color in the closet and hung specifically with pants that I've been told 'match'.

It's her long strands of hair in my brush in the morning when I stagger out of bed – long after she's gone to class. And the note next to the remaining coffee in the pot that tells me what time she'll be home, today – because I can never remember her schedule.

I think the most amusing 'touch', however, is the Physics book from her freshman year. The one she says she could never part with. The one she swears she'll keep in the same box as our wedding album (as soon as it arrives, that is).

Because it was how we first became friends.


End file.
